I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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