i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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