just tell him i said nine months
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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