her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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