I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
