I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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