He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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