I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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