He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
