yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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