i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
