at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
