Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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