I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
