Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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