Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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