The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
