You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
