it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
