Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
