It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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