I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
