ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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