She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
