I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Help. Why am I so naked?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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