i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
