I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
