Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
