she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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