I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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