All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
