I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
