I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
