i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
