Quick, to the slutcave!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
