i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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