I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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