dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize