Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
