Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
