Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
