You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
