the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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