Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize