Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to be your penis for a week.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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