we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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