vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
