I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize