You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
