I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
