we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
