I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
