ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
