I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
