I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Randomize
