So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
