if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
