You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
