I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
