My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
