gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
