All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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