I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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