You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
