we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
