The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
