you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
