My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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