The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
