I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
