Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
