Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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