i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
