You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
