you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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