3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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