Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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