I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
