he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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