apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
