I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
