I cockslap morals
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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