I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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