I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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