I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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