Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
