You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
