Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
