do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
