You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
