In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
