Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
