R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
