Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
