hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
